Eat the Babies!

Something I have been thinking about for a decade or two….I realized that we are surrounded by artificial stuff bla bla bla. That’s one thing. I was thinking, just now (again), about information. That is what’s killing us. I know people have talked about this before. I don’t care. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. My grandmother, her brother, my mom, and my brother. Then came a step-father and his two children. We all know how well that scenario REALLY turns out. A little physical, “playful,” fun. Pin the weaker one down and use your middle and index fingers to firmly, and swiftly tap the two slightly raised protrusions of bone at the clavicle, right near that squishy park of the throat. Hahaha…it’s so funny. Do this many times even though there were countless pleas to stop. – I guess I’m frustrated with the lack of supervision or perhaps intervention? The things that happen around 5,6ish to 13,14ish is a very delicate stage of development. I’m shirtless right now, and all I can do is keep re-living it. I have to put a shirt on because I can feel it and I just hate it so much.

Back to my original point, and more family stuff later as it oscillates throughout my skull. The information age hmm? A computer in every home, Mr. President? Did your wife put you up to that? o.o – We, in this time chunk, this period in time, we have kinda fucked ourselves over a bit. In pursuit of understanding and knowledge, some of us have started to view the world a bit different and it’s killing us. I am 32. I am right in the middle of all this generational horse jizz, Gen X this, Baby Boomer this, oooo Millennials are whiny babies. OMFG shut up.

This classification humans has never really panned out from what little of history I know has taught me. This search for information about everything has created an entirely different way we talk to each other, treat each other, reject and belittle each other, communicate with family across the sea, etc. There are goods and bads, as is with everything. – It really is just like what’s his face said in Jurassic Park. ‘Just because you could, you never stopped to think if you should.’ Loosely quoted because I don’t care to look up the full shebang.

I have (and will continue to do so) talked about my thoughts on our evolution. No one knew the consequences. I understand that. I respect the pioneers of our modern infrastructure and technology. Ideas turned into reality. The ones who saw what we would need in the future to keep the species going. Everything we do is essentially to keep us, the species going. ~If you haven’t thought of that, maybe take a couple minutes and let that soak in.~ People had needs, those needs were met. We will continue to try and make things more tolerable to the populous. Breed breed breed. No wasted seed. Everyone jerkin it, or banging someone that isn’t going to pop out a baby or two….those people….they aren’t helping us stuff the planet with fat little adorable babies. – Maybe we shouldn’t just be breeding for the hell of it? So short sighted everyone is. Resources used to feed and house all these assholes….where do you think they come from? Stuff is squashed and cut down and mined, melted, drilled, damned up, etc… we are changing and messing with the entire, fragile, global ecosystem. Maybe it’s time to think we can, but probably shouldn’t. I am not sure what my main point of any of this is. I just think and write I guess.

I’m Hungry

How do people deal with anyone dying? With anyone close to them, anyone they new as a child, anyone who has, in any way, saturated into your consciousness.

A large chunk of my childhood was helping my grandmother. I think I was 8 when the problems started. **(I will talk about my grandma and whatnot later.)** I was born in New Mexico with my father and mother. Text me mumsy just now, had an important question to ask her. Now I wait for a reply to my inquiry. (Fill this in later)

We shouldn’t be the way we are. All the shit that is surrounding us, and that we have access to right now….it’s not a good way to live. Why the fuck can’t people understand that this, this world we have shit on, cannot be sustained. – I will try to maintain this thought, for I get distracted easily. – I had this little burst because my phone is sitting next to me. It always is. As is yours I’m assuming. I want to sit and ramble about how much I hate technology, but two thoughts smack me in the face. 1. I am absolutely in love with gadgets and machines, architecture, and so so sooooo….like soo many other things very much pertaining to tech. The second thing I think about is more of a repeat, mini-revelation. I keep feeling this heart breaking whomp in my chest. A realization that this is all part of our evolution. The monumental stress that we are putting on ourselves and this tiny little flake we call Earth. We have created so much garbage and artificial things. Surrounded by materials. I am not an environmentalist really, I do however see that we are fuckin’ the flake up. This, “advanced,””civilization,” is part of our adaptation. Our evolution. I’m not optimistic in my thoughts of our species’ longevity.

We have two cats. I’ll share some details about who, “We,” is soon. Or in here. Not sure. Hello again narrative… – The fuzzballs. Ooo I forgot I can add pictures. OMFG seriously, why the hell are we drawn to show our gd cats to the world?! No I am not going to do that. Just the names. Zeek (Yes, spelled that way[Previously named, both fuzzballs.]) & Shroudin Mist/Mr. Plumpkins. I adore the names, and I adore this cat. He’s black as night, the softest medium hair cat I’ve ever experienced. Yes, experienced. He’s the fucking weirdest cat I’ve ever seen too! When he’s about to get kitty treats, he stands with his butt near what wall, cabinets, whatever is around. He does this little back legs jiggle dance. He moves around the kitchen, jiggling in various spots. His tail is basically always straight up in the air so that makes it even more adorable. It doesn’t stop there. Whatever reason his tail is up 90% of the time, I guess is also the reason when he’s not jiggle dancing, but something still catches his fancy, the tail, by itself starts doing its own rattlesnake-esque jiggle dance. I love it and him so much.

I don’t want to lose him. Why do we do this to ourselves? We surround ourselves with bullshit to keep ourselves comfy. Not satisfied we over eat (Right here, this guy.), and buy more shit, bla bla bla…pets…they were revered, worshiped, then became experiments in deciding how fluffy this one should be or how many digits this one has. We purchase or rescue them. We breed them to look stupid, fight, smell cocaine, lead the blind, etc. I know that’s dogs, but it’s the same argument so shut up. – we make them what we want to fill some need. I have no idea what that need is, but they are stuffed into somehow. I friggin love doggos and witto kitties, rodents, big lizards, and a bunch of other non-human companions. I guess this too is part of our evolution. I’m just now wondering if the very deep, very crushing sorrow of losing them at any point is worth trying to cheer up little Tristan (bleh) or surprise your boring bride to be. No better gift than a living creature you have to clean up after, train, understand, care for, love and adore, make family, watch them start to ache, slow down, start smelling like B vitamins start losing control of their bowels, change color, then curl up in a safe, quiet space and die. Or the even more consuming choice to end it before it gets to that point. Maybe during. Crying, you go to the vet, hopefully with someone else driving. Trying to comfort them and you understand what’s going on and you hope they don’t. You stop crying for a bit as you talk to the doctor about how this is going to happen. You sit next you him on that stainless steel table, still curled up just looking around. They put a needle in their flappy neck skin and you sit there and wait, as the vet checks the heart beat. An overdose of some anesthetic. His heart beating faster and faster as the last bit of energy supplied to it stops. She tells you, “That’s it, he’s gone.” You sit there next to your loving, quirky, verbal, furry friend. All that you knew, all that you shared is now at an end. I don’t know how people don’t think about this when they are deciding between Golden Retriever(bleh) or chocolate(bleh[Yeah, that’s right, I’m not a fan of chocolate. I’ll eat it, but eww.]) Labrador(bleh).

I think these feelings of absolute devastation applies to us as well, when we loose a fellow human we cherish. The difference I see and feel is that they go so quick. We are still around when they are near their end. We want to keep filling that space. – Whatever…I guess I am done. I have cried enough for today. Also, this is primarily a pet owner/cultural thingy. If you don’t consider certain animals as pets, this doesn’t apply as much but that is totally fine. I’m not trying to be PC, cuz I had rabbit a while ago and it was D LISH US. I want more so bad. So yummy.

Lies, all lies!

Well I didn’t look up anything about blogging or how I should do this. One reason for this, is that I am lazy. Another reason….I wasn’t sure I would even write anything else. No more writing as thought people are reading. That will drive me crazy. This is for me just as much as it is for any lucky stumble-uponner.

The first thing I remember as a little human was me and my mom going to the bank. Not inside, but rather to the drive up suction tube of great magnificence and wonder. I believe I was in the passenger seat of one of our four door muscle car variants. – I pause here. I just felt that I was no longer typing to free my thoughts, but rather to tell a narrative of my life. Is that what I am on here for? Fuck. This is why I get so confused about things. I set out to do something, and then right bang in the middle of it I veer off into some unpleasant memory or cognitive pixelation, and simply cannot process my own thoughts for a moment.

I rememer the bank because it wasn’t (just) the sucky tubes I was after. I wanted to get a sucker from one of the teller ladies in the building. My first pleasant memory is food related. This is the basis for the entirety of my life.

I’ve a very good chance of gaining new employment soon. This is a very scattered mosaic of emotions and desires and whatnot. ~ oh, something I wanted to go over really quick. I thought about this earlier. If this blog is about stuff that goes on in my life, I should probably stop feeling bad for saying, “I,” right? I don’t know any other way to interact with other homosapiens. This is all viewed through my eyes. The existence, that you and I are in, is filtered through the squishy, foldy tofu in our skulls. Every fucking moment of your life, from first spark of neurons, to that moment we avoid so egregiously….those are how we know life. You see this bullshit I’m spewing through your eyes. So that being said, I guess, I am giving you what I know. What I’ve seen and been around felt and tasted and hated, etc. bla bla bla.

Time to go. My mood has changed. I hate my personal time and space being bulldozed. For a moose, this does not a merry christmas make! – Also, it’s lame that I have to add tags every single time….

Novice

I don’t really know how to start this. Where do I begin. First thing that did come to my mind when I was thinking about doing this was that I wanted to state that I don’t have perfect grammar. I don’t always know when to put a comma, or where I should stop a sentence…sometimes. I do enjoy the English language. I enjoy typing more than writing because my hands tend to tense up after a spew of words.

I will do my best not to ramble, or make a ton of tiny little stunted sentences. My writing style and abilities will undoubtedly change and evolve. Please be patient with me, I think your diligence will be well rewarded by the bullshit that is my life.

How long should my entries be anyway? I think after I do this I will look up some stuff and find a decent way of proceeding with all this. Oh my gosh thank goodness for auto correct. I usually get close to the right spelling, so I don’t usually feel guilty for sorta, kinda relying on it for a speedy type fest 🙂

I think for this, my first post, I will just simply write of my day. As I go over the day’s events, I tend to wander and ponder and get totally sidetracked. That happens all the time, so please forgive my sporadic tangents, and sometimes chaotically divvied up thoughts. No, my mood has changed. I don’t want to do this right now but I may pick it back up later. Can I do that with this site? I guess we’ll find out. Thank you for reading my nonsense. I wonder how long this will sit here without anyone glossing over it. I hope I can keep this going. Things get pretty fucked up in my head and my desires and ideas now, can become an entirely different creature in seconds. I hate it.